I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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