mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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