This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
