So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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