i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
