She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
