Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
