Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again