I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
