hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.