I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.