I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.