Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
