Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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