I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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