two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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