you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
