I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
