some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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