You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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