Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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