Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
