Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Vodka?
Forever.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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