Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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