I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
