She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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