You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
