i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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