Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
