Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
