talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my poor anus
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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