so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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