it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
