I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
