Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
