Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
