he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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