when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
