The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
