just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
