I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
