i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
