I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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