as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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