Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
