Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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