Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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