Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
