how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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