come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
