He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
