so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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