Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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