My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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