no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
