I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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