Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My bed smells like the plague
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
