My friends, they love my intelligence
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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