ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
