Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
