..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
