a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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