Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
