I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
